When You've Never Felt Normal

What if the feeling of not belonging, that feeling that you are different.

Not the same as everyone else.

Is preparing you for later down the track.

When you stand up, speak out, or choose your own path.

And when the time comes to make that decision.

It’s easier for your than for most.

To leave the herd.

To have an unpopular opinion.

To take the road less travelled.

Because.

You’ve become comfortable with being separate.

As, you always were.

Fitting in, complying, conforming is pointless.

For it hides the gift you were born with.

The gift of your own guide and, to walk to the beat of your own drum.

Imagine a world where no-one was different.

Don’t question your uniqueness, embrace it.

Step all the way into it.

And then, turn the sound up for all the world to hear.

 

For as long as I can remember, I felt different.  That I missed the memo or didn’t understand how to operate like everyone else did.

I used to think it came from moving house a lot and changing schools. That, as a result, I never got the chance to settle in.  That I didn’t have relationships with people I’d know since pre-school or kindergarten, because we’d move a lot.

But the feeling has stayed with me into adulthood and in every aspect, I felt like I had to really try to be ‘normal’. 

It actually used to be my goal (back when I tried to give a shit about goals), to be normal and have a normal life, can you imagine!

To dress the way I was supposed to, to act the right way, to decorate my house the right way, to be able to do all the things a working mother, wife etc was supposed to do, the ‘the right way’.

Making up for an early bad relationship and poor decisions, which thankfully gave me my daughter, but at the young age of 20, which was so not the ‘right way’.

But recently I realised.

The reason why.

When people tell me I’m brave or courageous or inspiring, I reject it.  Can’t even fathom how me and those words go into a sentence together.

It’s because, I never felt ‘normal’.

That following the rules was torture for me and literally took a lot of conscious mental effort.

To do the things that other people won’t, is natural to me, comes easily, feels like MY right way.

That led me to think, that my feeling of separate had nothing to do with moving a lot or changing schools.

I was probably born that way.

With this realisation, I see that feeling abnormal is a gift.  That this makes it easier for me to do things that others find hard.

Not courageous, brave or inspiring.

Just me.

 

 

 

Samantha Bright